Their Crisis Isn’t My Crisis: Holding Space with Clarity in Recovery Coaching
As recovery coaches, we often find ourselves walking with people through some of the most difficult moments of their lives. Sometimes, this includes moments of emotional crisis—panic, relapse, breakdowns, family conflict, or despair.
In these moments, it’s easy to feel responsible. We care about the person. We want to help. But here’s the foundational truth:
Their crisis is not your crisis.
This isn’t cold or indifferent. It’s a compassionate boundary. It’s what allows you to show up fully without being consumed. When a coach takes on someone else’s crisis as their own, they risk burnout, blurred roles, and unintentionally disempowering the very person they’re trying to support.
In my experience a crisis is often a sudden event or emotional experience that overwhelms someone’s ability to cope. It might look like:
A panic attack
Relapse or near relapse
An explosive conflict
A traumatic memory resurfacing
Suicidal ideation or hopelessness
It often creates urgency, dysregulation, and confusion. But not every crisis is an emergency. And not every (or even any) emergency requires the coach to fix it. Our role is to be a non-anxious, steady presence—not a rescuer or therapist.
When you absorb someone’s crisis:
You stop being able to think clearly.
You may over function (taking responsibility for things that aren’t yours).
You risk reacting from anxiety, not intention.
You could lose the power of coaching presence—being calm, attuned, and reflective.
When we stay grounded, it doesn’t mean we are detached or uncaring. It means that we are regulated enough to be helpful. These are some ways we can stay grounded:
1. Breathe Before You Respond: Use your own nervous system as a tool. Slow your breath. Anchor yourself physically (feet flat, steady posture). This helps you regulate—and it helps the person in crisis regulate too. Before I respond I can ask silently: “What is my role here? What’s actually mine to do?”
2. Stay Emotionally Available but Boundaried: You can be with someone without being in it with them. Use a tone and posture that says, “You’re not alone, and we’ll take this one step at a time.”
3. Help Them Access Their Own Resources: Our job is to help the person remember what tools they already have. We can offer perspective, not control. “What’s helped you before in moments like this?” “What’s one thing you could do in the next 10 minutes that would feel grounding?”
4. Know the Line Between Coaching and Clinical Care: If someone is in danger of harming themselves or others, or experiencing severe mental health symptoms, your role is to refer, not treat. Know your scope. Have the number ready for your supervisor, a local crisis line, a therapist or case manager contact.
Self-Check: When to Pause and Recenter
Ask yourself:
Am I trying to rescue or control the outcome?
Do I feel personally responsible for their choices?
Am I losing clarity about my role?
If the answer is yes—step back, breathe, and reaffirm your role as a guide, not a savior.
In recovery coaching, your greatest tool in a crisis is not the perfect advice or solution—it’s your capacity to stay centered. You are modeling a new way of responding to chaos: with calm, connection, and clarity. So when crisis shows up, remember that this is their moment and not yours, but you can walk with them through it. That’s enough. That’s powerful. That’s coaching.
Wes Arnett
Madison, Wisconsin
